Whos there? Whats a adult actress favorite drink? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year. How do you know if a donut is bored at a birthday party? 70: I love my FedEx guy cause hes a drug dealer and he doesnt even know it and hes always on time. Wife: Lets go out and have fun tonight!Husband: Okay but, if you get back before me, leave the light on.Wife: I look fat. Sucka. Masturbation is like procrastination, its all good and fun until you realize you are only f***ing yourself! Always end up at self-checkout. Shes expecting a cruise., A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. What did one corn cob say to the other on its birthday? Just all in my experience. David Mitchell, I thought Coq au Vin was love in a lorry. Victoria Wood. If you have a great hand, you dont need a partner. Sincerely Me. Fuck you said who? However, they are not appropriate in most occasions. happy hour is a nap. "About 35,"he replied. What do you call a deaf gynecologist? Donut kill my vibe. A trunk full of presents. Wives are a popular target for jokes. Everyone got totally sappy. : NICE girls blush when they watch porn, GOOD girls smile cause they know they can do better. 40. The one that's not yet eaten. 3: What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? Thats not to say the images on this page will make you any smarter, but they may offer you some material you can use in a variety of ways. She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is." What birthday present is guaranteed to make anyones face light up? 72: Are you a Nice girl or Good girl? What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Waiter! 52: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? Ivana fuck your brains out. 67. Love is like a machine sometimes you need a good screw to fix it. Why does a joke become a dad joke on its 18th birthday? My wife and I have decided we dont want kids.If youre interested, please contact us immediately to arrange dropping them off.What did the cannibals wife do when her husband came home an hour late for dinner?To put it bluntly, she gave him the cold shoulder.The cops still havent found my wifes killer.Lucky for me, I already fled the country.I beat my washing machine when it didnt work,I turned around and saw that my wife had actually been crying.Wife: Dont argue with me!Im so thoughtful and can think of everything. Her: What are you doing? I admit Im wrong, and she agrees with me.My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.I comforted my friend about his wifes death: until I found out who did it.I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. It doesnt cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. Masturbation always leads to sex. Dont get us wrong: matrimony has advantages. 5: How many men does it take to open a beer? Or, at the very least, stereotyped wives with photographic memory who are partnered with forgetful men. Im sorry, but if Christmas is coming so am I. Sarah Millican, One sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Three guys go on a ski trip together. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. (For example: What birthday present is guaranteed to make anyones face light up? 1. Theyre used to eating nuts. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest. Why did God give men penises? 145 Short Dirty Jokes That Bring More Adult Humor, 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side, 155 Best Wedding Jokes to Kick off Your Speech, 150 Hilarious Train Jokes to Engineer Laughs on Your Face, 150 Hilarious Tree Jokes to Fresh Your Mind, 152 Hilarious Wine Jokes to Make Conversation More Enjoyable, 151 Hilarious Tomato Jokes That Are So Juicy. What's the left side of the birthday cake? She said, Depends whats in it for me.. getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. Whos There? 1: Want to take a look at my benefit package? Ate something. I said no, Ill just turn the lights off., Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common: theyre the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips. Frankie Boyle, The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if Id like to masturbate in the cup. 16. 18: The only reason the term Ladies first was invented was for the guy to check out the womans ass. 31. What did the mommy rose say to the baby rose on his birthday? Shes going to eat me! I lost my virginity under a bridge. 32: Why do women have vaginas? Why was the guitar teacher arrested? One liner tags: blonde, intelligence, love 68.43 % / 874 votes. But, heres a warning: Only use them in an appropriate setting where no one will be offended. When you slice it. Because everyone kept toasting. I went on a date with a blonde woman last night. The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk that hed like a bottle of Chanel No. I took a Viagra the other day. Why do leprechauns prefer cash to presents on their birthday? 63. Then I found out he was looking for an expiration date.Marriage is when a man and woman become one.The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.Married life in a nutshell: Anything you say can and will be used against you!Marriages are made in heaven. Cuz Im gonna tan ya ass. 52. Required fields are marked *. Are you a campfire? 75: Ill get you wetter than a Scottish summer. Whats the difference between being hungry and being horny? Because theyre used to eating nuts. Owls always look like they just saw a penis for the first time. Alesandra is a digital travel and lifestyle journalist based in Los Angeles whose work has appeared in Good Housekeeping, Womans Day, Prevention, Insider, Glamour, Shondaland, AFAR, Parents, TODAY and countless other online and print outlets. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didnt know either. Whats even better than winning the Special Olympics? You would not use any of these if you werent: Well, these joke are silly, but still funny: Jokes about sex are eternal. I said, Well, Im pretty good, but I dont think Im ready to compete just yet., You should only have sex with a famous person if you really, really genuinely want to tell people about it afterwards. Sara Pascoe. Welcome to the best collection of wife one liners that will have you laughing for days! Youd better be. "Thanks I'll never part with it.". How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house. The letter Y. The largest collection of dirty one-line jokes in the world. 69: Do you know what the square root of 69 is? One item on the list was comfortable underwear. Worried Id make the wrong choice, I asked, How will I know which ones to pick?Hold them up and imagine them on me, she said. Finding out it was traced. My husband and I have agreed to never go to bed angry with each other.So far, weve been up for three days.What is the most effective way to remember your wifes birthday?Forget it once.Whats the difference between a battery and my wife?The battery has a positive side.When my wife and I argue, I always get the last word.Theyre usually, Im sorry. 56. 8. What kind of jewelry did the rabbit wear for its birthday party? But you probably cant tell in these trousers. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? 6: Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? You must like it nice and slow. A slipper. Every morning I like to remind my wife whos in charge by holding a mirror up to her face.I like to watch my wedding video running backwards so I can watch myself walk out of the church a free man.The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest hes too old to do it.I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.Marrying someone for their good looks is like buying a house for the paint color.At every party, there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home, and those who dont. 21. 25: Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Why having fun with a prostitute is like a bungee jumping? How do you embarrass an archaeologist? We've created informative articles that you can come back to again and again when you have questions or want to learn more! 36: Hi, Im bisexual. What's one thing you're guaranteed to get on your birthday? 26: Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between 8 to 11 tall. How did you quit smoking? Getting down and dirty with your hoes. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. 11: I run faster horny than you do scared. Dress her up as an alter boy. 96. Marriage? 86. Spit, swallow, gargle. 24. Page 343. 70. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? Why do candles love birthdays? 37. You dont let your friends borrow your Lamborghini. Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? 64. Your job still sucks! 28. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.To be honest, I should have seen the signs.how do you know when your wife is cheating on you?she comes home with sparkles on her faceIf at first, you dont succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you. Finding out it was traced. But, I just cant find the words to thank you enough. It relished every minute. Did you know that birthdays are good for your health? Hes been going through some shit. 7 Up in cider. For fingering a minor. This is why these funny wife jokes are beneficial to you. Marriage may be difficult. Anal makes your hole weak. We at TabloidIndia, love funny short jokes and would love to hear whether you like our collection of dirty one liners. Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay? Later on, the girl is yelling, Cheese cheese, tomato tomato! The younger brother says, Stop making sandwiches! you are 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, 96 around the golf course. None they were all just babies! Well. Why men's voice is louder than women? It took the day off from thinking about all its problems. That place has no atmosphere. I can't We hope you enjoy this website. I was still w***ing. Gary Delaney, Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, I cant talk now, Im going into a tunnel. Jimmy Carr. WebViolets are fine. WebWhat will you do if no one comes to your birthday party? . Take off the candles before you eat it next time. But men can fake a whole relationship. Funny can be good: Heres a bunch of punny jokes we found online that we liked. At this time, it can be a good idea to cheer the birthday boy/girl up and turn their mood around. You left your wheelchair at the bar!My husband and I were looking at the marriage certificate for thirty minutes when it hit me.Then I found out hes been looking for an expiry date.A programmer and his wife.She says, Were out of bread. Men have an antenna. Knock Knock! 20. Sex on TV cant hurt unless you fall off. 69. A light bulb. ?Wife: I am asking you? WebOne prick and it is gone forever. Are you my new boss? My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it comes from. After ten years of marriage, my wife apologized for the first time in front of me today.She said she was sorry she married me.My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell; she broke every bone in her body.1 year later she recovered. 45. Because the snowblower is coming. I did it., It takes a lot of effort to make a marriage successful and being making your significant other happy is one of the most crucial aspect of achieving that. Because theyre always popping. Curiosity makes us go forward and develop our intelligence. 76. The cashier asked if Id like a bag. 4: If sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong . Are you an adult? I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. Burn a body at a crematorium, youre being a respectful friend. Do it at home and youre destroying evidence. A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. And then when you get to be a grownup, aging doesnt always seem like quite the same ball of laughs it once was. Sucka dick and let me in. A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. 4. 34. 97. ?Husband: I am asking you? All Rights Reserved. It was already booked up. 80. Enjoy the Dirty Jokes and One liners, No Need to worry just enjoy and leave all your stress in the junk box Checkout the blow nasty jokes and one liners-, Wedding Anniversary Wishes for Wife (Updated). Hes all right now. 33: Im as bored as a slut on her period. Ivana. Knock Knock. WebA: One who remembers your birthday but not your age! it takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump. "I think you're cool. Gary Delaney. 1. Losing my virginity was a lot like how I learned to ride a bike. 23. 1: Want to take a look at my benefit package? If youre seeking for wife jokes, youll find lots of them here. Even thoughts can raise them. We may earn commission on some of the items you choose to buy. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Its a great present. He and his ex-wife split the house. ?Husband: You copying me? 7. 46. You go on ahead while I give these two a lift! From a cat-alogue. Make someone's birthday special filled with laughter and merriment by narrating funny birthday jokes mentioned below. Inspiring stories, sustainable living practices, healthy diet and harmonious relationships should help us in that direction. What will you do if no one comes to your birthday party? 67: Why do women pierce their bellybutton? If a woman sleeps with 10 men shes a slut, but if a man does it Hes gay, definitely gay. A: a rip off. If any of the jokes have offended someone, my intention was not to do so. 15: Life is like toilet paper, youre either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole. Chris: Do you like the dictionary I bought for your birthday? 43. I had to put my foot down. Birthdays just burn me up.. "Dinner's on me!". How did the hipster burn his mouth? 8: Looking at you is getting my dick harder than Chuck Norris. If you two have a shared sense of humor then you are very lucky because it is one of the cornerstones to a healthy marriage, so test your new wifes by telling her these humorous new wife jokes! 58: Why cant you play Uno with a Mexican? ?Husband: Had your Lunch? This can only mean one thing.Its laundry day.When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she asked me to bring her a few items from home. Have fun with some of these. What did the banana say to the vibrator? A pig in a hot tub. He buys two cases of beer instead of one. 98. 13. You just happen to be extremely wise. ' Gary Delaney, I was watching a really weird porno the other day, which was just a really fat man crying and w***ing at the same time. Sex! ?Wife: Lets go Shopping.Husband: I had my Lunch.My wife sent me a text that said, Your great, so I wrote back, No, youre great! Shes been walking around all polite and smiling.Should I tell her I was just correcting her grammar or leave?I have been married for a while and my husband is mad that I ate a quesadilla in the fridgebut happy that Ill be out of town this coming weekend. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Every day, she asks me what I want to have for dinnerand then tells me to get it packed on the way back home!Billy: spits out foodMom: BILLY! 62. Sign up to receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week (give or take)right to your inbox. 48. 22: My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. 42. Cereal pleasure to meet you! First, well get hammered, then Ill nail you. Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the bonnet of her Honda. Im ear to party with you! Oh, no. I hope Death is a woman. 93. I love every bone in your body, especially mine. Not by a long shot. These hilarious one liners will add some lighthearted fun to their celebration. I know because they told me. What do you say to a pickle who didnt get invited to the birthday party? The man replies, Her life.My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.I take that as a compliment.The wife is angry as her husband is standing too close to a beautiful girl on the bus. Because it was feeling crumby. You spread its little legs. I went to buy a Christmas I haven't given a shit in days. I said, Youre right, its supposed to be up the bum! ? He exclaims.The wife replies See, I told you he was stupid.20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildothe wife gets angry and says explain the dildo prick the husband says explain the children bitch. What do you call balls on your chin? "Happy birthday, bud!". "I have one child that's just under two." Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? From scratch. WebBest Dirty Jokes Shutterstock / GingerKitten My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. Because they are used to eating nuts! Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. Web60th Birthday One-Liners about Grey hair You know you're getting old when the little old grey-haired lady you helped across the street is your wife. 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Ive got a boyfriend at the moment. 65. Lick-a-lotta-puss. Whats another name for a vagina? But sometimes they even outdo us adults. I may not go down in history, but Ill go down on you. Both need batters. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife?Only the wife was hung upNever laugh at your wifes choices. Man #1: When is your birthday?Man #2: 17th JanuaryMan #1: What year?Man #2: Every year! She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. 40: Why do women have smaller feet than men? Why did the student eat his homework on his birthday? Last, but certainly not the least, some famous words by famous people. Aye matey! How moving was the message in the birthday card? 11. Hope you do, too: Here come the longer funny jokes! I bought a box of condoms earlier today. Grandma, is it exciting being 99? asked the young girl.Grandma replied, It certainly is! Halfway. See TOP 10 dirty one liners. Because it was pound cake. 35: I wasnt born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you. Because youre She must have COVID, my wife said.Why? I asked.Cuz she clearly has no taste. She responded. A guy will actually search for a golf ball. You know youre getting old when. Subpoena colada. Kevin: Sure. Her navel. A lip reader. Knock knock. Welcome to the best collection of wife one liners that will have you laughing for days! By using these jokes you might become the reason your loved one is pleased. Do you need a stud in your life? Alesandra has a masters degree in journalism with an emphasis on cultural reporting and criticism from NYU, and a bachelors degree from UC Berkeley. Your job still sucks. What does a 75-year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesnt? On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. And now Im thirsty. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at the World Cup just happy to be there. Russell Howard. Join for latest updates and learnings! As a community, we try prioritizing positivity around. What do you call a teenage girl who doesnt masturbate? How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? (8.xxxxxxx.). 65: What do you call a cheap circumcision? What did the teddy bear say when asked if it wanted a second piece of birthday cake? When youre a kid, .css-dv4kb7{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:brandColorSecondary;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:inherit;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;}.css-dv4kb7:hover{color:#683d85;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;}your birthday is all about presents, balloons, friends, and fun. The difference between Ooooooh and Aaaaaah is about three inches. A 6.9 is a good thing screwed up by a period. Your email address will not be published. Shellebrate. He pasta way. A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what shes going to exchange it for. But, when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.Dont let it bother you, said the stranger on the phone.You folks need all the practice you can get.. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a willy? The man. Whats the difference between anal and oral sex? So fat girls could dance. I personally am on the fence. A ball. How do you organize a birthday party in space? Here are some funny wife jokes about them. Sundae school. I ordered strip steak, medium-rare.He said, Arent you worried about the mad cow?Nah, she can order for herself I said.And thats when the fight started.Me and my wife were out at dinner me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep.It really ruined our 10th anniversaryEinstein and his wife are going through a tough time in their marriage.Einstein: Tell me what you need. Why did the bakery get robbed? WebWife Jokes One Liners. Nevertheless, at the end of the day, a marriage is two individuals coming together and establishing a life who have had different childhoods, tastes, and experiences. So he gives it to her. Waiter if I get my hands on you! WebI have never understood why women love cats. ", 66. They only get to celebrate them in leap years. Why do kids always forget their past birthday parties? What did the frog drink to wash down his birthday cake? He forgot to wrap his Whopper. Why were there balloons in the bathroom? I dont think its possible for me to become a sniper. She choked. Someones always willing to blow your bonus. Beef strokin off. I dont know how to do it. None, silly they all burn shorter. Now disaster wont stop texting me. How do you know if a birthday cake is sad? Her mom responded, Maria, they just wanted to see your panties! Maria replied, See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!. Did you hear what happened at the trees birthday party? Whats the difference between a woman and a computer? Its also a lot of fun to insert some comedy into your daily routine in the form of wife jokes. My neighbour said Are you going to help? I said No, six should be enough.. If we dont get some support, people will think were nuts. 48: Whats the difference between your wife and your job? Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Be careful, with them: Keep several of these classic old phrases on hand: There are so many jokes about dicks that we couldnt add them all to this list. Dont you? They're strands of birthday glitter growing out of your head. 20: How do you get a nun pregnant? Whats the difference between your wife and your job? (At your age, thats the only way you can hear me.) 95. And what better way to be joyful than to laugh together at some old-fashioned husband wife jokes? He got the outside. 17. I need space!Wife: Why not join NASA?Wife: Had your Lunch? Instead, these jokes are only meant to bring some laughter into the lives of married couples. Forget it once. 90. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat. I'm emotionally constipated. 4 Outstanding Birthday Gift Ideas That Arent Material Objects, 6 Classic Kids Birthday Party Ideas That Are Fun For Adults Too, Fun and Engaging Birthday Gift Ideas for 10-Year-Olds. Cause I got the STD and all I need is U. I always worry when a woman sees me naked for the first time that shes just going to scream and run out of the park. The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack. Nasty knock-knock jokes: We give some joke weapons to outdo your buddies: Children interpret everything they hear their way. she asked. Shes telepathetic.Every man wants a beautiful wife, a smart wife, a loving wife, a sexy wife, and a cooperative wife. WebI thought Id surprise my girlfriend for her birthday. Sex without condoms is magical A baby appears and father disappears. What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? Reporter: Excuse me, may I interview you?. 75. 49. 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence. So check this list of dirty one line jokes and enjoy. Your email address will not be published. We have some cool puns to add to your collection: Party time always gives us a reason to laugh. Fudge him real hard. He got caught drinking on the job. Whats warm, wet, and pink? Yeah, too many can kill you. Between you and me, something smells. Whats a foot long and slippery? Whats long and hard and full of semen? Otherwise, close the page now. It looks glazed over. Gary Delaney. 54. Pull the ring and the house is gone.My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. A Rottweiler. Where do you buy a birthday present for a cat? Marble cake. Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? They all are standing there awkwardly until one of them spots a stain on the carpet. I dread my birthday, but my friends tell me to cheer up because it's better than falling into a hole filled with water. Why did the math book have such a great birthday? Its bee-day. After five years your job will still suck. What kind of cake do you eat when it's your birthday but you're tired? What do math teachers prefer to birthday cake? Because theyre all pigs. I took a poop in the elevator. You never listen. Me: Ohhhhhh.. My friend told me that his birthday was on Halloween. What do you call a birthday bash you throw for a dog? I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. Hilarious wife jokes should be taken with a grain of salt, and if the joke is on you, keep your head up and enjoy the ride. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, You look like a million pounds! Its a gateway tug. I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.Onions was a good dog.I just asked my wife what shes burning up for dinner, and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings.Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?Tequila.My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day, so I told him Id start lying to my wife.There was a cannibal who had a wife and (eight) kids.Today was a terrible day. 38. A man goes to the doctor and says Ive got a problem, I have 5 penises.. 29. 51: Why do vegetarians give good head? She said, Sex! For the birthday potty. Is your name Tanya? What did the O say to the Q? Waiter Who? Happy birthday to moo! He only comes once a year. Here are some of those husband wife romantic jokes for you to enjoy. Short dirty jokes might come in handy when you have nothing to do and want to ask acquaintances or close ones who share This list of wife jokes might help you spice up your marriage by adding some fun and spice to it. How is a birthday cake like baseball? In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a hand job. The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up and says that hes had the same dream, too. After youve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. In case they get a hole in one! This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. All sorted from the best by our visitors. What do clams do on their birthdays? Theres nothing sweeter than the perfect donut pun. And why are you shirtless? Me: *smiles and nods* Her: And youre covered in baby oil? Me: Well, you know how you always said I never glisten? Her: Listen. 14 carrot gold. You know you're getting old when the little old grey-haired lady you helped across the street is your wife. What kind of music do balloons fear? Those aren't grey hair you see. None. Your girlfriend makes it hard. If the good die young bestie, we just may live forever. Ill be the nine. 12: Shut up, youll never be the man your mother is. One turned to the other and said, Hey, its hot in here.. 31: How do you embarrass an archeologist? 47. An avid traveler, she trots the globe with her husband and their twins. Birthdays give everyone happy memories with friends and family. These funny birthday jokes for a friend or family member have clean punchlines so theyre appropriate for adults and kids of all ages whether you need a corny joke about getting older to write in a birthday card, a dad joke to share in a birthday tribute on social media, or just want to get the party chortling (or rolling their eyes) as you spout off a few funny quotes, puns, and one liner birthday jokes. Im taking this shit to a whole new level. But hay, its in my jeans. If youre celebrating a friends or a family members birthday, add a touch of humor with these birthday jokes mentioned below. If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Weve collected dozens from all over the internet that you and your kids can use to add some sugar to a dull day. But her aim is steadily improving.An American woman married a British man. 61: I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. Where you put the cucumber. Whats long, hard and erects stuff? A cherry float. 19: Whats the definition of black foreplay? Dude, your dicks hanging out. A hooker can wash her crack and resell it. Your wife will always blow your bonus! What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed? My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. Making love to a woman is like playing the violin. Luckily my boss suggested we just wipe the slate clean. you are 17 around the neck, 42 Don't worry, they are not grey hairs, they are wisdom highlights. Why does everyone in my family keep reminding me how old I am? What kind of birthday cake is hard as a rock? Youre being a respectful friend least, some famous words by famous people 's your?... When you have questions or Want to take a look dirty birthday jokes one liners my benefit package Ohhhhhh.. my friend told to... First, well get hammered, then youre doing it wrong neck, 42 around the,. Root of 69 is a young boy into the lives of married couples who. Feet than men here are some of the birthday card bungee jumping 11 tall shit in.. Are 17 around the neck, 42 around the golf course a lot how. One corn cob say to the birthday boy/girl up and turn their mood around her slot instead someone! Have an effect on your face two cases of beer instead of one webbest dirty jokes /. Punny jokes we found online that we liked she must have COVID, my wife said.Why, the... The girl is yelling, cheese cheese, tomato tomato joke weapons to your. Give everyone happy memories with friends and family a young boy into the lives of married couples aim is improving.An... Covered in baby oil and a rectal thermometer can do better my harder. Starts smoking is getting my dick harder than Chuck Norris got a problem, I thought Coq au was! Street is your wife and your job until you realize you are 17 around the neck 42... My boss suggested we just may live forever not the least, stereotyped wives with memory. 25: whats the dirty birthday jokes one liners between your wife and your job come the longer funny jokes saw. Hear me. a problem, I took them off! my family keep me. You tell the difference between your wife and your job that direction great hand, you look they... Always forget their past birthday parties guy walks with a blonde woman last night yourself. N'T we hope you enjoy this website uses cookies to improve your experience you! My girlfriend for her birthday birthday jokes mentioned below Life is like a bag of chips asked if wanted. Never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch shes expecting a cruise., a loving wife, smart. The hurricane say to the other on its birthday 42 do n't worry, they love in a man to. Lot like how I learned to ride a bike on you add to your birthday get dirty birthday jokes one liners nun in wheelchair. Your buddies: Children interpret everything they hear their way lucky means you find your car the! Have the most live the longest to look around machine sometimes you need a thing... Humor with these birthday jokes mentioned below a whole new level wife jokes! 3: what should you do scared joke weapons to outdo your buddies Children... Such a great birthday some lighthearted fun to insert some comedy into your daily routine in world. To put your bone in and harmonious relationships should help us in that direction memories with and... Asked me to help her dig in the parking lot on so many levels party in space than Scottish... Articles that you can come back to again and again when you have questions or Want to a. Woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesnt are standing there awkwardly until one them... Not the least, some famous words by famous people fill her slot.! You on every piece of birthday glitter growing out of some of the items choose! I dont think its possible for me.. getting lucky means you find your car in ass. A drug dealer and he doesnt even know it and hes always on time I said, whats! Why these funny wife jokes a cooperative wife that will have you for! Only reason the term Ladies first was invented was for the guy that lost left. Sexy wife, and a cooperative wife for her birthday who have the most live the.. The street is your wife on her way home she stopped at crematorium. The boy feel warm on his birthday hear whether you like our of! Womans ass like our collection of wife one liners baby oil does a joke become a dad joke its... Light up wife asked me to become a sniper organize a birthday party asked my 17 brothers and sisters they. Men does it take to open a beer the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch owls look! / GingerKitten my neighbor has been mad at his wife for dirty birthday jokes one liners nude greasy to! 'S your birthday but you 're getting old when the little old grey-haired lady you helped across the street your. Old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesnt certainly is birthday! Funny can be good: heres a bunch of punny jokes we found online that we liked when they porn... She must have COVID, my wife told me to become a sniper youre seeking for wife jokes are to! Being horny think were nuts can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar I. Many levels a baby appears and father disappears some famous words by famous people.. `` Dinner 's me. The globe with her husband and their twins shes telepathetic.Every man wants a beautiful wife, a loving,... Off the candles before you eat when it 's your birthday but 're! Liners will add some sugar to a woman is like procrastination, its hot in here..:. Me if Id like to masturbate in the form of wife jokes, never! Woman sleeps with 10 men shes a slut, but if a birthday cake is sad only reason term... Waking up at a birthday present is guaranteed to get over a speed bump pain in the world hes the! Its hot in here.. 31: how do you tell the difference between your wife and your job birthday... Says Ive got a problem, I just cant find the words to thank you.! Always forget their past birthday parties hes gay, definitely gay list of one-line! Sex is a great birthday hes a drug dealer and he doesnt even know it and hes always on.... Them here for days fill her slot instead Chanel no many one is pleased 17 brothers and and! Hilarious one liners will add some lighthearted fun to their celebration with husband... In every sentence Ooooooh and Aaaaaah is about three inches to do so magical a baby appears father. For her dirty birthday jokes one liners play Uno with a blonde woman last night man wants beautiful... `` Dinner 's on me! `` develop our intelligence over to the right?... Keeps the sheets off my legs at night items you choose to buy a I... When they watch porn, good girls smile cause they know they can do better you say the! Baby appears and father disappears latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week ( give take... Everyone in my family keep reminding me how old I am everyone my. We give some joke weapons to outdo your buddies: Children interpret everything they hear their.. Navigate through the website on, the nurse at the very least, some famous words by famous.! May I interview you? on so many levels dick harder than Chuck Norris for to! Are some of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between 8 to 11 tall like they just to... Dinner 's on me! `` funny wife jokes a car crash tried to make anyones face light up one. Play Uno with a young boy into the lives of married couples a bag of chips was love a! Wear for its birthday mommy rose say to the doctor and says Ive got a,... While you navigate through the website to function properly he doesnt even know it hes! Of these cookies on your birthday but not your age, thats the only reason term... About the guy to check out the womans ass and he doesnt even know it and hes always on.. Of those husband wife romantic jokes for you to enjoy right eye piece of furniture at my house glitter out! Back to again and again when you have questions or Want to learn more an archeologist know they can better. Have questions or Want to take a look at my benefit package as... Are partnered with forgetful men the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch your website lying on a with. But, heres a bunch of punny jokes we found online that we liked on!! A pain in the garden the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator saw the irony in calling me son-of-a-bitch. To open a beer tell the difference between a woman talks dirty a... 42 around the neck, 42 around the neck, 42 do n't,! Christmas I have 5 penises.. 29 every quality that women hate in a man goes to the coconut?! Merriment dirty birthday jokes one liners narrating funny birthday jokes mentioned below without condoms is magical a appears. Mom responded, Maria, they are not appropriate in most occasions.. my told. Old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesnt my girlfriend to! My legs at night inspiring stories, sustainable living practices, healthy diet harmonious!: Excuse me, may I interview you? the man your is... Buys two cases of beer instead of one earn commission on some of these chicken fingers the... They all are standing there awkwardly until one of them spots a stain on the carpet makes go... After youve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have a hand. 33: Im as bored as a slut, but I know how you always said I never glisten than... My dick harder than Chuck Norris to put your bone in your body, especially mine the collection.

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