I have no idea how I am still here except for God wanting it so here I am. He is not a doer. I know in my heart I am a good man, She is an amazing woman and I love her dearly. (And thats no fault of yours.) Can you get him to see a therapist? Is he more planful, thinking ahead to the outcomes of his actions? I suppose I still have strong hope that we can be partners again, as our intimate relationship was so healthy and our personalities are so compatible, but Im fearful that this is false hope and Im knocking on a door that has already been shut. I fell back into the same hole as 3 years ago. Itll take a lot of work to repair the damage and build trust back to almost where it was. He did all of this and I still found things to fear in our relationship but nothing because he gave me a reason to fear it. Im so heartbroken I dont know if i should let him goi cannot go on feeling this way.I used to be a happy go lucky person. I made him tell his parents & called the wedding offso therefore we purchased a very nice home in April which we were supposed to be married prior to moving into our home but instead we married in May making the house not marital property. Hi Shawn, Im special to her, but she seems too hurt. Abuse is traumatic. sometimes we dont argue and we talk about the arguments and we both vow to do better and it goes right back to square one. I need to stop blaming him for everything and take responsibility for my failings. d do how can i behaved different? Marriage is hard, no doubt about it and a man has to be mature to handle it. Hi Ive been married to my husband for eleven yrs together for eighteen. I it obvious to me shes not gonna let me be. I got pregnant and we had our son three months ago. It was wrong lying to him in the first place and I regret it. she learned to care about me deeply. HI my comment is really good information but when someone wearing those shoes is really hard to do things the right way because is too much pain and feel desperate to get the person you love back .is a lot things you dont know how to deal with this, is my story ,I met this wonderful guy 17 years ago but 4 years ago he desired he want to go back to school we didnt have the money but i support his decision so we move to another state but i was having trouble find it a job, so i desired to move back and leave my husband and my youngest daughter together.I was working 2 jobs to support Them for almost 4 years now hes done with school and find a job but the job has not been paying the much so is hard to survive with income because is not enough, I still at the same place working 2 jobs trying to support my self and also helping him when i can, well now after 4 years we have been a part he told me doesnt love me anymore and i am devastated because i feel betrayed for the whole situation. I have been married for 21 years to a great man. He left the morning I was packing and he said it was because it was impossibly hard to watch me pack. We lived together for a moment but that environment became tense. My problems is that we grew apart, hardly had any sex, didnt talk about things more than day to day stuff and were more like room mates in the past 3 years. Hi Ann, You yourself cant figure out why you love him. Or if you dont love them anymore idk what to do i REALLY NEED HELP someone please answers these questions for me bid really appreciate it and whats going in my chest, hello, Entering the 3rd month I have been a lot better and basically focusing on restoring normality and also putting my new positive life skills to work. To fall back in love, you have to start giving. Very passionate, she sent me cute text messages multiple times a day and each time we were together she would text afterwards how amazing it felt to be with me. When we first started dating there was an incident where the woman from the previous relationship he was in, was impregnated by him, and she coincidently found out in the beginning of our relationship. The process is very well described in detail :) the interesting thing is falling in love again takes inputs from both persons and if the other person is not willing to be genuine and do their part to make up for the betrayal then it leaves one with suffering alternating with numbness which eventually overtakes (ie. . I guess the reason she cheated because I was sort of distancing myself because of school. Still, cheating is cheating. Just in June we were looking at engagment rings. I had a girlfriend the first time I met her and the relationship with my then-girfriend wasnt going anywhere. I dont know why I didnt just back off in that original argument, I guess I felt I should be accepted for who I am, that my presence with her at the wedding was what she should deem most important. Hi , I have been in a relationship for 2 years and in the last 3 months wmy gf and I switched to an open relationship at her request , it was either this or break up so I went with the open relationship. I have said everything multiple times and get no response. Daniel, She doesnt need the marriage counseling, anyway. I also am interested in how to move through counseling by addressing this with my husband. I was attracted to him from then on. Everywhere I go Im with couples and i can barely handle it and a few times i have ended up crying if I drink. At this point I need advice on how to begin to gain his trust and respect again. It very hard and fraustrated at first. This is killing me, he would do anything for me, and I know this, but I dont believe it. I have been married for 12 years next week. Hi, my fiance and I were together for 8 years. You need the support of good friends and family right now and then you need the courage to take the right steps. He admitted to being shocked the first time it occurred yet on the second time he turned towards her to accept her kiss. Their messages are private. If my 5 steps, above, are not quite enough, I would suggest you consider enrolling in my course. I was convinced he was cheating on me because he even had a picture of himself and the same girl as his wallpaper. Hi DrDeb, I met this guy many years ago in my working times. Meanwhile during pregnancy I tried visiting her place but she prevented me that the landlady doesnt want anyone come over. Its important not to point fingers but rather to look at oneself. Im afraid to say you will have to make other living arrangements for yourself or for him in order to get the message across. He really is a good man. I needed a wake up to realize that i was going down the wrong path, but I am honestly working on it. It is so hard to be selfish. You can look at the introduction on my website 3 Keys to a Spectacular Marriage. My husband & I worked at our own business together & I realized that he was distancing himself from our relationship more & more with each passing year. After several visits to New Orleans over the years and a lot of convincing from family and friends I made a very quick and somewhat regrettable decision to leave the girl I love and move to this city in hopes of furthering my craft. I doubt that I shall ever learn to trust or respect this man again. Your spouse might be hurt, too. Pulling back or "un-loving" isn't a good strategy and I question if it's even possible while continuing the relationship. I did not have a choice in the matter. But I dont trust his ex. But it dont know what to do. I dont see myself with anyone else. After all, love usually means living on an emotional rollercoaster. Being around them is oftentimes unbearable because our love for them is so strong yet we can't express them. I love him and always will but I want to feel the same way I did when it all began but I just dont and I just cant, Ive tried for so long to get that spark back but I think the damage is done and im beyond the point of recovery here. No more telling excuses to her. In January of the following year stupidly I told my stepsons ex-girlfriend that I used to have a crush on her. Told him to change for himself, else its not sustainable.and I needed to see him take actions that will guarantee it never happens again. Please let me know what you think. The thing is, I know what hes going through because I fell out of love with him as well a longer while back, but regained it again, a new deeper love, over time through both his unknowing efforts and mine (I didnt let him know of it). I also feel i want to fix our relationship, and i feel like that the most important thing for me right now, and that i want a future together. That goes for both parties. I cheated on my husband. we have come to an ugly in pass where my depression and his drinking was out of control and hurting our family. Financial restrains were blamed. It shocked me to the core and 6 months of thinking I dont love him anymore, has made me not want to be with him anymore. You are not a therapist! Something about his confidence was a compete turn on for me. i was so devastated. I truly do not want this and I want to love her the way she deserves to be loved, but it is sooooo hard to let go of the control and leave it up to what will be. At this point I did not want to insult her intelligence or continue to tell a lie because I want this to work.. But people dont act like that out of the clear blue for no reason. The first 3 years were great. He says he has no attraction to her at all he just wasnt thinking. You are a good-hearted person and you hate to see someone suffer. You know this blog is getting busysorry I couldnt answer everyone. i have been in a relationship since 2years . I dont know. But if he turns out to be the father I dont know if I should stay or go? I want to, and soon! Some examples might help. Its way too confusing for him. What do we do? Way. I still say he has feelings for his ex and wants her. Before you can explain it to your boyfriend, you need to explain it to yourself. Anyway, my fianc has found messages in my phone between the 2 of us on 2 different occasions within a 6 month timeframe. This is what I dont know, I dont know how to change, I want to because I love my boyfriend and I hate to see him feel like this, its my fault and I want to make everything right. At the end of the day I will never give into the anxiety and let it win. I go see my son in Bakersfield at my ex gfs house where she lives with her aunt. All friends and family who I discussed this with thought I should leave him but no one but him and I could understand that we had such a deep connection despite his actions. I get scared of these things when we argue like this and I wanna know what to do to help my relationship be the best it can be? I am so hurt by how he is treating me. When she apoke all she said was that she feels like I dont even like her anymore. I dont know if I believe him or not though. I know that hes very hurt by my actions, and it kills me that Ive hurt him. Do you have any advice? We have no children but know we want to fix our marriage. At. They married and had another baby within a year. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. on jan 1st of this year(Our 18th anniversary), my partner came home from work and told me he wasnt happy anymore and was no longer in love with me. We shook hands, and said to each other, we will try to do marriage counseling and I have contacted a counselor, and I am in the process of setting up our first appointment. I have looked up article upon article on peoples experiences and tried to seek advice from other married couples that I know but in the end, I cannot figure out if I really want to stay or go. I told him that I definitely would not do what he demanded of me. I work with my ex and he did exactly this to me. And, I have a son and he was 5 when my ex & I started dating. I should add that, if he was horny he could have called me instead. I just dont get where hes coming from. I also hold a Master of Business Administration degree from the University of Maryland USA.I was raised by my adopted parents, though they were rich, i suffered a lot but im always grateful to them because they gave me life, may be without them i will be dead by now. But she also didnt do anything to try and fix it. I dont know when I will get to my/our first counseling session but just feel that doing nothing is the wrong thing to do, but doing something will end up not being right. But during the time I dated my ex. How much of this is his depression talking? There is no more time for compromise its either stay or go. But we still talk on and off and she still loves me but doesnt want to leave the guy shes with. I know many of you ladies behave, especially taking advantage of guy who loves you. The therapist will say that they didnt know better and did the best they could with the tools at their disposal which is true. This is normal: teens are just starting life and they really havent enough life experience to be secure. At least you recognize your guilty. Now, on top of it, you have fallen into depression. I thought you said the gut is just a dude that comes in the hood. How can you possibly fall in love with such a person again? Only God can help you love someone how they need to be loved. This is a terribly sad and painful experience in your life that will take time to heal from. My daughter was very sick even at home. I have treated the one person that I truly admire like crap for so many years. I fought for 2+ Yrs to just be a normal person and do normal things and my partner always had a problem accepting the fact that she isnt the center of my world and all we did was argue over it. It was from a girl I asked him not to talk to or hang with, when going through the messages he was telling her that he was becoming distant from me and was starting to like her and wanted to hang out with her. I have been with my man for six years now and in those years there been lies,cheating, abuse and just disrespect. Hi Dr Deb, And he has been doing this for years. Wishing you the best in your healing journey! conventional wisdom says to move on, but im not interested in doing that. We were to re-new our vows at the end of October on the very day we said our I Dos. 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